Ideally, the holiday season and school breaks bring nothing but joy and merriment to all. In reality, separated or divorced parents know they can also bring added stress and complexity.
In these cases, a happy holiday season requires striking a delicate balance between two households, children, and the intersection of traditions alongside the “new normal.”
From what we’ve observed in our NH family law practice over the years, the following five practical strategies can really help make the season smoother for you and your children.
Read more: Celebrating Successful Co-Parenting this Holiday SeasonMake a plan and communicate with intention
The early bird gets the worm here, folks. Waiting until mid-December to figure out logistics is a fast track to misunderstandings and upset that could have been easily avoided. We recommend meeting or communicating with your co-parent early, laying out dates, pick-ups, exchanges, travel, and celebrations in writing or via a shared calendar.
Make it official. The communication that is. Whether this means a detailed email exchange or thread in a shared app, both parents must be on the same page to reduce any surprise changes. Things happen, we all know this. But while unexpected plot twists can prove frustrating for adults, in a holiday co-parenting situation children often interpret these changes and resulting emotions as conflict. Plain and simple.
The holidays are for children
Yes, you have traditions and ways of doing things, which makes it easy to get wrapped up in your own expectations. All you need to focus on amidst this evolving familial landscape is that kids need consistency, clarity and loving space over anything else. The holiday schedule should serve them, not become a battleground.
Keep beloved traditions and make room for new ones
Don’t set yourself up to recreate the holidays “how things were.” It’s a fool’s errand; after all, things are no longer the way they were. However, you can establish anchor points (bedtime, mealtime, gift opening time) that underscore the consistency of old traditions and keep children feeling safe.
If they feel safe and supported, they’ll be more amenable to considering new traditions. For instance, maybe one parent bakes cookies the day before the holiday, and the other leads everyone on a winter walk afterward. These fresh rituals help build positive memories and reaffirm everyone’s role in the new family structure.
Coordination is key.
We’re not talking ugly Christmas sweaters, but meaningful coordination to avoid duplicate gifts, overspending or competing dynamics. Make time to talk about budgets and big gift items ahead of time.
If one parent has extended family arriving, being flexible with the schedule can show goodwill while demonstrating to your children what cooperative parenting really looks like. Remember, you and your co-parent are your children’s first teachers.
Focus on flexibility and strategic self-care
Holiday seasons bring the unexpected: sickness, delayed travel, extra guests, tired kids. Build some flexibility into the plan so a change doesn’t become a crisis. Above all, don’t neglect yourself. A parent who is overwhelmed or resentful cannot give the calm, present energy children need. Self-care matters. You’ve heard it before, but it’s a good reminder: put on your own oxygen mask before helping anyone else with theirs.
It might feel hard to believe, especially if this is your first holiday as a co-parent, but the holidays don’t have to magnify the stress of co-parenting. With early planning, child-focused decisions, clear communication and a (healthy!) dose of flexibility, you can navigate school breaks, travel and celebrations in a way that keeps your child’s best interests front and center. Of course, we’re here to support you if questions about custody arrangements, holiday-time conflicts or parenting plans arise and you can contact us anytime. In the meantime, we wish you a season of peace, connection, and festive memories for all.
